Stars Don't Lie

Sometimes the stars just align. Sometimes your favorite bodywash is on sale super cheap (I bought 3 bottles). Sometimes the lesbians with the best party favors seek you out at 4am straight dive bars.


For the most accurate reenactment, read the following at 8,000mph:

“Ohmigod you are so CUTE where are you from? Europe mostly? where does that jawline come from? Sweden maybe? seriously adorable, no, listen to me I’m a big fat fucking dyke, when a dyke says you’re hot it’s really fucking important, what sign are you? Aries? oooo bossy, no? not bossy? then you’re the other kind, sit around sponging in information about people until you can use it against them, stars don’t lie, do you play? because I have some nice toys, step into my office.”

[5 minutes later, in a women's bathroom stall]

“Are you ready for this? just a lil bump, a lil bumpity bump, do you like this spoon? I stole it from a tea shop, careful now this shit is straight outta Columbia, Columbian Gold, nice nice nice, you clear me, I clear you, ok girl tuck your dick, this is vag country.”

[holding my hand and walking me through a confused pack of women's bathroom inhabitants]

“Outta the way! just a couple of ladies coming through! make way for the V.I.P.”


Doesn’t get much more random than that.
-Awk Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiites.