Halloween has long been an important part of my life. Me being a dark-hearted, maladjusted queer with a closet full of craycee clothes. This would indeed be a Halloween to reckon. My first in this fair city I now call home.
Awkers, awkers, how do I convey these events to you, my loyal readers? As I remember them? (a drunken blur; snapshots of moments that may or may not have actually occurred). As I’ve been told by others? (a mess of round after round of shots) As documented by party pix? (making out with lesbians… again). Let’s take a somewhat novel approach and go costume by costume. You see, I wore a total of 3 costumes this year (perhaps to make up for being a zebra for 2 years in a row prior).
Night One: Dexter (the serial killer, not the cartoon).
Got myself all did-up and started the night with a particularly stiff pre-bar libation (this always turns out bad). I tell myself it’s to save money… but really I end up spending the same amount at the bar and just blacking out.
I remember taking tons of pictures syringing people in the neck (ala Dexter) which actually turned out to be a great way to hit on boys. From what I can recall, I made out with an alt mummy (via chewing gum handoff) and a goth drag nurse. Photo evidence would suggest I made out with some of my leslie friends (via XTRM drunken confusion).
The night steadily became a haze until I woke up next to an empty box of frozen White Castle burgers. OH NO!! Alas, it was technically my cheat day by then, so it’s all good.
Night Two: Leather Bear.
I had a concept for my leather bear costume in the back of my head, but waited until the last second to implement it. Maybe that’s why I had to cut the ears off of a teddy bear and sew them onto a shoelace during the last hour of work.
Ok, I’m not one for vanity, but I LOOKED FUCKING ADORABLE. Trolling my way up and down Fag Ave (you know the one). Did a repeat makeout with goth drag nurse (boo repeat costume). Met up with gay, Asian Jesus. Eye-fucked our way through some bar lines. Got my buzz on in a hurry. Then I saw the bartender I made out with a couple months ago at industrial night. He DEF didn’t look as good as I remembered, so I had to duck out of there.
Decided to meet my Thai leslie friend at the leslie bar to formulate a plan for the impending after-bar hours. Thai leslie and her friends/coworkers were there in full force. Her friend that regularly hits on me was courting a sugar daddy (a tragic one at that). Got a lil buzzier and decided to migrate to a late night bar (via cab financed by sugar daddy).
Drank mad booze financed by sugar daddy, danced into the night, then played truth or dare in a restaurant with some new friends.
Night Three: Eurotrash Vampire.
Eurotrash vampire was a last second costume concept that came together surprisingly well. Gathered the clothes and accessories and brought them to college friend’s house to do pre-bar and makeup. She was a Glam Witch (cute, right?). Then we hit the town.
Most of the bars were boring (or we were the only ones dressed up) so we decided to head straight to the late night bar. This is probably where I went wrong. The curtain of blackness dropped just after I saw the dark-hearted, chest-tat boy I hooked up with (on poppers) one week prior.
COMPLETE BLACKNESS
The Morning After
I woke up face down in my bed, wearing jeans and clutching my phone. What happened? Where am I? Did I do coke? I am MINUS a jacket, a cameo ring, and my dignity. I am PLUS some mystery bruises and a brutal hangover. I realize my phone is beeping with a text from dark-hearted, chest-tat boy. Reply: “hell fucking yes i want pancakes.”
So over breakfast (at 2pm) I find out that ALLEGEDLY…
-I bought round after round of whiskey shots
-I fell into/onto a car outside
-I puked on a welcome mat
-I initiated an impromptu dance party at an apartment
-I disappeared out the door of said apartment randomly
-Yes, I did do coke
It has now been 3 days since Halloween weekend and I am still discovering things I allegedly did/said through pictures, texts, and myspace messages/friend requests. Do I even have to say it, awkers?
I’M STILL AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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