Work Party: Dresscode - BizCaz

Awkers, it's been a while (by staind) since I've delved that deeply into the darkness. It's been a while since the curtain has dropped that hard, for that long. It's been a while since life's soundtrack has skipped that many measures.

Work parties are always a recipe for disaster and this was the whore-mother of all work parties. 2 floors of excess in the form of open bar, forced conversation, and live-band karaoke. Shit was BOUND to get O.O.C.

Let's back up for a moment. This was Cheat Day. Cheat Day resides on Friday for a reason. I'm usually still hung over from Thursday and I need a pile of greasy food to absorb the shock of the gallons of booze I consume on Friday night. So on this, my Cheat Day, I decided to consume a bagel with lite cream cheese and a salad. Wrong. Fucking. Move.

Cut to 1 hour (and four hard drinks) into the party. Things are already going hazy days on me. I'm already chatting with the other office gheys about which of the office professionals are the keutest. I'm already comparing tats with Dark-Hearted Annie-Lennox-Hair Girl and her friend. I'm already doing shots of non-clear booze (ugghh).

Some time during the blur of the rest of the party, I decided to go to my usual late night bar with Beardy Office Ghey and At First Seemed Lame But Turned Out Pretty Funny Once I Gave Her A Chance Straight Girl. I bought one drink there, took one sip, and then... [cue curtain of absolute blackness].

I awoke the next morning (and by morning, I mean 3pm) to discover a huge welt on my head and a huge cut on my hand. I had spent my entire Giftmas bonus, but I hadn't lost any credit cards / belongings (partial win?). A flurry of texting followed in which I tried to decipher what had gone down.

Beardy Office Ghey had scratches and bruises all over and a severely fucked up knee. Lame-Turned-Funny Straight Girl had a bruised hip and a sprained ankle. No one remembered what the fuck had happened.

Possible theories: (feel free to number by order of likelihood)
-We fell off the stage while trying to showcase some boss dance moves.
-We fought a roaming band of maladjusted trannies.
-We started an underdog street gang.
-We fell on the ice outside.
-We insulted one of the bouncers.
-We beat the shit out of each other.
-We had rough, rough sex with each other.

The decision is yours, awkers!
-Awkerday. Nite. Live.