There were two occasions for the visit. One to visit my dear friend who may or may not be the awkward female equivalent of myself. Two to go to my gender activist acquaintence's drag / genderfuck / gender terrorism warehouse night. And I suppose I did have a third motive of avoiding a boy that has been sweating me (so sue me).
On the bus ride there, an 80 or so year old woman sat next to me for the majority. That's all fine and well except I was texting people about the drag night and gay bars and other dregs of society as she read over my shoulder and scowled disapprovingly. I mean lady, you're on a greyhound bus! Get over it! When I wasn't next to Grandma Hate, I was next to Greaseball Bro who was on his way from Florida (Hell on Earth). Direct quote:
"What are you listening to guy?"
-The Presets. 2 Australian guys doing kinda dark dancey stuff.
"Are the words in Australian?"
-...No. ...English.
"Oh, right, American version."
So despite my brush with humanity, I arrived (physically) unscathed. Equally Awkward Girl and I got our drink on and our dress on and our makeup on in preparation for the drag night. The theme was technodrome and I kind of went all out, complete with huge lensless sunglasses made to look like goggles.
Between her house and the warehouse we stopped off at a bar to visit Equally Awkward Girl's sister. I stuck out like a sore thumb in my makeup and attire but no one seemed to mention anything. Her sister actually said, "Oh, I just thought that was your new look."
By the time we actually arrived at the warehouse, that familiar haze had set in. I realized I had taken my look a little farther than most of the people there, but not quite as far as the performers - a middle ground that I was satisfied straddling. Everyone was O.O.C. in the best way possible. I drank vodka soda out of a plastic bottle. Lights flashed. Music pumped. Bodies writhed. Sweat dripped. Equally Awkward Girl peed in the parking lot in front of basically everyone.
At some point we decided it would be a good idea to go to Coke Bro's house for afterbar (excellent decision). The resulting mayhem was a rager dance party that lasted into the wee hours. Doing blow through a vietnamese hundred dollar bill off of an antique mirror while ELO blasts on a record player really makes you feel alive.
The next morning (afternoon) I walked around a bit to get some local flavor. Got heckled by some porch sitters ("Why don't you buy some tighter jeans?!"). Did some window shopping. Did some shopping shopping (black silk skinny tie!). Then Eq Awk Girl got off work and ready for night two (via leftover vodka soda).
It's possible that we may have taken the pre-drinking a little too far. The fog was settling in as we arrived at a bonfire / yard beer scavanger hunt. As things got more sloppy, we decided it would be a good idea to take a cab to the gay bars (excellent decision). Here are the flashes:
-Platform danced with a 400lb woman and a leather bear.
-Drank a very large and very unnecessary shot of peppermint schnapps.
-Got intensely hit on by Fat Plaid Door Guy.
-Jumped on a bed... in the middle of a bar.
-May or may not have entered a secret porn bar through the men's bathroom.
I woke up shiverring violently, lying on the pool table in the basement of the party we had started out at.
-Awk.like.no.one.is.watching.
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