Lesbians and Eggplant

Have you ever eaten too much right before you go out? And you feel like some kind of landlocked orca? No matter how many times you get hit on, you still feel huge. Too. Much. Eggplant. Parmesan. Srsly.

Why do I only meet lesbians when I go out? Do I look like a lesbian? Will I appear on this list
someday: http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com? Are butch lesbians the new twink?

Maybe I should just go straight. Buy a pair of pastel plaid bro-shorts, a Hollister shirt, and go see Austin Powers 3.5: The Spy Who Love Guru‘ed. What kind of future does this life hold for me????

Laterz!